Rooted in Trefoil to Rooted in Sand

Lately, I find myself referring to our somewhere out there child as my little nugget, or peanut, or beti(daughter). Normally this is not out loud but in our home. I'm so looking forward to you being here with us. God knows where you are and perhaps you haven't been born yet. He will bring you to us and us to you. I know this is true. I've been going through names for our sweet one and I love Aditi(means boundless), Neha(means loving), Aashna, and Avani(means earth). I also find myself wondering what you'll call me....maybe Am'ma - which according to me research is Mother in Tamil. I really hope I can teach you to call specific people like grandma, Nani-ji. Just know that every one else will probably be Auntie or Uncle. I'm certain that you'll just call your father, dad or daddy. My goal for you little one, is to have all the possibilities in the world while keeping your heritage in the forefront. I want you to be Indian-American and coming from a first gen...

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As most of you know, adoption is expensive. It is mostly this way, due to the scrutiny of the countries on who is adopting. Its a lot of time and paperwork. We could do this all on our own, but that would take 5 to 6 years just to save and we just don't have that kind of time. We're still hoping we will win the PowerBall. ;-) I was reading one of my favorite bloggers, and she was explaining that it's important to give friends and family the opportunity to be a part of the process in a meaningful way. Too often Tyler and I allow our pride to get in our way and exclude others because we insist on "doing it all by ourselves". Truth is, unless you have $45k sitting in your bank account, you can not do it alone. We have to open up and allow ourselves to be vulnerable. Every blessing that is given, multiplies the love of God to others. Just as you are willing to spread God’s love to others, be more accepting of his love through those that wish to bless you. "...

Tyler & I have known we wanted a family. Adoption in my mind was never a "back up plan" option. It always has been first and foremost. Struggling with infertility was just unexpected. Tyler wanted a bio kid, and I don't blame him for that want - it's completely natural. Who knows, we may still have one. For now tho, God had other plans for us. The only reason that stands out for us to adopt is because there are so many children out there that need a loving home, an open community, and endless opportunity.  That's it. Not because we're struggling with infertility, not because we think it's brave, none of the other reasons people come up with who see adoption differently. Just simply, that there are many children who need a loving home, family, and community. Luckily, I have been so blessed to grow up in a community of fellow adoptees and we happen to go to a church that is full of blended families. It truly is a safe haven for us to welcome our chil...

Lately, I've been working on collecting paperwork to apply to the Indian govt. for OCI in lieu of PIO and renunciation. Basically the PIO/OCI is a visa that can be used for travel and it states that I'm of Indian heritage which would allow us to adopt a "healthy" baby that is younger than a year old. Let's note that Tyler and I are open to any child up to the age of five who may or may not have minor/correctable needs....this visa tho IF approved will just give us a wider net. While I was home I was able to find my Indian passport, and was just so cool to see in person. I've made several scans of it, but like my current passport it too has to leave my possession for processing by the Indian Embassy. It's so hard to let go of two major important pieces of information...one that is a part of my beginning, my adoption story, my history, and the other that is current. I know that the embassy is familiar with handling important documents, but still I have an...

Week before last, my family lost our sweet little Jase to a terrible accident. It has been an unreal experience in my life and deeply saddens me to my core. It is unimaginable to think what is going on in our hearts, and minds. I'm keeping this short b/c I am now processing what happened and why we all got so little time with him. Truthfully, my world has been rocked and it is hard. With all my heart, I truly believe that when I so longed for a baby, the world shared you, Jase Patrick with me. There you were as your mommy, auntie, and I argued over putting together your crib and sorting out all the diapers you'd go through, the toys you'd play with, and the fun clothes you would wear. I mean who honestly thought a crib was so dang difficult to get together, but there we all were fussing over what piece went where and literally putting it all together to find we put pieces on backwards. Christmas rolled around and I knew that I had to get you something that you, mommy, ...