Well, that went public real quick. . .
How do I look my husband in the eye, and tell him “it’s ok if you want to deploy?”?
Of course, I support my husband in all his endeavors, but lets back up 6yrs before I knew him. I watched a lot of my classmates enter into the military upon graduation. You could say my freshman year of high school was quite impactful in many of my friends decisions. 9/11 happened. It changed everything for us. The way we got out of bed every morning, weary of another attack. I knew older classmates that changed their college bound plans, to make the ultimate sacrifice. I’ve been blessed to be able to see them return to their families, and live out their future.
Fast forward to meeting Tyler A. Schmidt and falling head over heels so fast, jumping straight into a long distance relationship for 10months, and then packing everything up to move in and start a life.
I knew Tyler had previously deployed and while we were long distance, he was finishing up his service term……but I guess, you never really are done. The wants, the needs of either the structure, camaraderie, fulfilling a higher purpose, or even living on the edge.
Tyler and I’ve discussed on and off of living apart for a deployment. Trust me, it is most definitely not what I would pick. I’d keep Tyler all to myself, safe with me, but I am honestly rolling my eyes over that thought, because Tyler stands a better chance of getting hurt (or worse) on his motorcycle than going overseas to serve.
Everything is a big “what if”. I find myself struggling to live my life with “what if” thanks to my anxiety. Luckily, he has 110% agreed to only deploy if he is in Ben’s unit – a wonderful person he has already served with. That thought gives me some comfort, but then I think of all the chaos those two can cause, and I just smile and laugh. Two troublemakers, and I say that with love.
Sometimes, I feel like I’m supposed to support Tyler’s decision b/c I’m his wife and that’s what you do.
-pause-
Um, no I don’t support a decision like this b/c I’m his wife. I support my husband, b/c he’s a good man and his reasoning and intentions are good for being deployed. Does the idea of deployment scare me? Uh, abso-fucking-lutely!!! I would be kidding myself if I thought any differently. Whenever the thought arises or we have a discussion, I have a good cry and pull myself together. If Tyler deploys, he needs to do so without worrying about me. I get my tears out now, for what could happen than wait til it’s on the cusp.
Tyler has always been a soldier first. It’s so funny that I write about my thoughts on this, b/c I was having a similar conversation with Lyn and Keith about their feelings. They shared that the night before Tyler left he stopped at their house to say his goodbye’s. Lyn said that he was smiling from ear to ear, full of excitement, while she and possibly Keith were a bucket of tears.
I cry for the what-if’s but smile for my soldier and all he will accomplish. Right now, it’s just hard to fathom, coming home day in and day out w/o him pulling into the drive way at 4:30p on the dot. I can’t dwell on this too much, but I would write all my thoughts down, since Tyler has made his opinion quite public on Facebook. shaking a fist to the ceiling “Damnit why couldn't you’ve waited til it was real?!!?!?”
My hope is this never happens, but God has a plan for us as a couple and those plans Tyler and I are completely 100% open to and I will support my husband in every way possible. We will take every day one at a time and if Tyler deploys, I’m sure I will have a good cry, a bottle of wine, and sleep on his side of the bed til he comes home. For now, I'll just hug my soldier and hope for whatever is supposed to happen, happens.
Of course, I support my husband in all his endeavors, but lets back up 6yrs before I knew him. I watched a lot of my classmates enter into the military upon graduation. You could say my freshman year of high school was quite impactful in many of my friends decisions. 9/11 happened. It changed everything for us. The way we got out of bed every morning, weary of another attack. I knew older classmates that changed their college bound plans, to make the ultimate sacrifice. I’ve been blessed to be able to see them return to their families, and live out their future.
Fast forward to meeting Tyler A. Schmidt and falling head over heels so fast, jumping straight into a long distance relationship for 10months, and then packing everything up to move in and start a life.
I knew Tyler had previously deployed and while we were long distance, he was finishing up his service term……but I guess, you never really are done. The wants, the needs of either the structure, camaraderie, fulfilling a higher purpose, or even living on the edge.
Tyler and I’ve discussed on and off of living apart for a deployment. Trust me, it is most definitely not what I would pick. I’d keep Tyler all to myself, safe with me, but I am honestly rolling my eyes over that thought, because Tyler stands a better chance of getting hurt (or worse) on his motorcycle than going overseas to serve.
Everything is a big “what if”. I find myself struggling to live my life with “what if” thanks to my anxiety. Luckily, he has 110% agreed to only deploy if he is in Ben’s unit – a wonderful person he has already served with. That thought gives me some comfort, but then I think of all the chaos those two can cause, and I just smile and laugh. Two troublemakers, and I say that with love.
Sometimes, I feel like I’m supposed to support Tyler’s decision b/c I’m his wife and that’s what you do.
-pause-
Um, no I don’t support a decision like this b/c I’m his wife. I support my husband, b/c he’s a good man and his reasoning and intentions are good for being deployed. Does the idea of deployment scare me? Uh, abso-fucking-lutely!!! I would be kidding myself if I thought any differently. Whenever the thought arises or we have a discussion, I have a good cry and pull myself together. If Tyler deploys, he needs to do so without worrying about me. I get my tears out now, for what could happen than wait til it’s on the cusp.
Tyler has always been a soldier first. It’s so funny that I write about my thoughts on this, b/c I was having a similar conversation with Lyn and Keith about their feelings. They shared that the night before Tyler left he stopped at their house to say his goodbye’s. Lyn said that he was smiling from ear to ear, full of excitement, while she and possibly Keith were a bucket of tears.
I cry for the what-if’s but smile for my soldier and all he will accomplish. Right now, it’s just hard to fathom, coming home day in and day out w/o him pulling into the drive way at 4:30p on the dot. I can’t dwell on this too much, but I would write all my thoughts down, since Tyler has made his opinion quite public on Facebook. shaking a fist to the ceiling “Damnit why couldn't you’ve waited til it was real?!!?!?”
My hope is this never happens, but God has a plan for us as a couple and those plans Tyler and I are completely 100% open to and I will support my husband in every way possible. We will take every day one at a time and if Tyler deploys, I’m sure I will have a good cry, a bottle of wine, and sleep on his side of the bed til he comes home. For now, I'll just hug my soldier and hope for whatever is supposed to happen, happens.
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